The waiting is the hardest part - Tom Petty
I've been finding that lately a recurring theme in my life has to do with having to wait and needing to find patience. Specifically there are a few items testing my patience. First of all, after all this very concentrated treatment that I've had, I find that I have to wait about three months to know pretty much definitively if the cancer is gone. This waiting is trying my patience because I would like to know now if the past couple months have done the trick!
Also in the past week we've brought home a dog. As adorable as he is, he is also very much like a toddler - he wants things his way and when we want him to do something he doesn't want to, such as go outside and go potty, he will dig his heels in (literally and figuratively). I'm finding that training a dog (I've had cats most my adult life so this is new for me) is another thing that tries my patience.
The thing that tries my patience the most is how much my kung fu abilities have taken a hit since my hiatus. I had my first class back last Thursday and I was amazed at how hard everything was. Even things that were relatively easy in the past, really took a lot out of me.
I had started Kung Fu when I was 23. I'm not a natural athlete and actually I haven't been in great physical condition, save for a few times in my life. Generally I carry too much bodyweight for my frame, my cardio isn't fantastic, and I should stretch more. However, prior to being diagnosed I could at least get through a regular class without stopping, even if my stances were high and my kicks low.
But whether it was the inactivity, the actual treatments affecting my body or probably a combination of the two, I couldn't get through last Thursday's class without stopping and not doing all the exercises. I thought to myself as I was struggling, "even when was first starting to study Kung Fu, I at least could get through a class without stopping." But then I thought about it - I'm 16 years older and yes, I weigh more now then when I first started at 23. Oh and yeah, I just got done with cancer treatments. Those whom know me best know that I sometimes (ok a lot of times) tend to be hard on myself. So maybe this time I give myself a break. Maybe this time I become patient with myself. This does not mean I will be complacent. I will not accept this current state as "good enough" indefinitely. But maybe while I build myself back up I'll be patient with my lack of abilities. Each class I take I'll get a little better.
Actually that's what any martial artist should be striving for, whether they just started or are a high level student with an abundance of talent and well honed skill. Every class try to improve a little bit more. And be patient with yourself while you learn a new skill. Very few people have so much natural talent that they can watch something a few times and then replicate it exactly. Most of us have to practice - a lot - and need to be patient until the skill develops.
So I'll be back there tonight. Trying just a little harder. Improving just a little more. And trying to be patient with myself while my body returns (and hopefully surpasses) to what it used to be able to do.
